We Should Have Changed Our Name To Morris...

That Baby IS Delicious

2012-01-15T16:24:00.000-08:00

Here is Evie doing the sign for "more", she can also do "all finished" (that one isn't in the video). She is also showing us where her head is. We didn't teach it to her. The grandparents didn't teach it to her either. We don't know who taught it to her. It is a mystery.

NEXT WEEK: My time travel machine that only goes forward at regular speed.

I saved a bunch of money today, and you can too!

2011-11-24T19:20:00.000-08:00

So, Thanksgiving day is one of my favorite shopping days. I know, I know... how dare I make people work on Thanksgiving! But Thanksgiving is when the best deals start at drug stores. I just wanted to list everything I got today, and how much money I saved on it all.

At CVS, I got:

1 3 Musketeers bars
1 Milky Way Bar
2 Snickers bars
1 box of Fiber One Brownies
2 boxes of Chex cereal
1 Balance bar
2 Reese's mini cups
1 10 count of Advil
1 pack of batteries
2 Colgate toothpastes
1 Pepto Bismol
1 Finish Quantum
1 box of Kleenex
1 10 count box of Breathe Right strips
1 Philips ear phones
1 I-chill relaxation supplemnets
1 Be Kool Children's fever reducer
1 bottle LA Looks gel
2 72 count packages of Listerine strips
1 4 count Advil PM
1 90 count flossers
1 Cepacol throat lozenges
1 Softlips lip gloss
1 Carmex lip gloss
1 2-pack GUM toothbrushes
1 8 count Excedrin

Total value of all of this: $80.75
I paid: $9.44
And I have $36 in Extra Care Bucks (CVS money) left for future purchases!

At Walgreens, I got:
4 bottles of Welches Sparkling grape juice
Total value of this: $10
I paid: $4

At Rite Aid, I got:
4 Planter's Nuts Holiday 3 pack
15 Hershey bars
4 bottles Softsoap hand soap
2 Dove deodorant
2 packs of Scunci elastic hair bands
2 Revlon nail polish
4 2-liter Caffeine free Diet Coke
1 2-liter Sprite
8 cans of Pringles
2 boxes of Reese's Puffs cereal
2 boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios

Total value of all of this: $77.81
I paid: $11.22
And I have $24 +Ups (Rite Aid money) for future purchases!

So my grand totals of the day:
I got 81 items today
The total for all of these items is $168.56
I paid $24.66
And it was super easy! These sales continue until Saturday, so you can go out and get all of this too! Stores have limited stock, so don't wait too long!

Old people should push around chairs instead of walkers

2011-11-19T20:40:00.000-08:00

Here's a little of what Evie's been up to:

This is a video of the two words Evie can say: "Please" and "Dad". There's a skip in the video because there was a boring section in the middle, so I took it out.

Here is Evie taking part in her new favorite hobby: taking a chair from the kitchen table and walking all over the house with it.

And finally, this video is kinda long, but super cute. Evie's been sick the last few days, and we've had to use an aspirator in her nose because she has so much snot. She really hates it, so Zach was pretending to use it on himself to get her in a better mood, and she thought it was really funny.

Yay for fun!

2011-10-28T21:40:00.001-07:00

This has been going around, and my sister is doing this for me, so now I am going to pass it on!

Here are the tagging instructions: The first 3 people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll probably take a while because: a. I'm not super creative and it'll probably take me a while to think of something to make; b. I'm taking care of a 13-month-old; and c. I go to school pretty much full-time and don't have a lot of free time. So it might be a while before you get it.
4. You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry or a drawing. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5. I reserve the right to do something unusual.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 3 people who do the same on your blog. OR, since I know there are some people who read my blog who don't have a blog of their own, you can win if you are willing to make something for three random people. The first 3 people to leave a comment telling me they will win it forward get a fabulous homemade gift by me! Oh, and if you have a blog, be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it.

Parenthood

2011-08-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

So for once, I'm actually going to write something serious. Can you believe it? I'll warn you now, though, it'll be total rambling and may be completely incoherent, but here goes:

Lately, I've been thinking about those first few months of motherhood, and how stressful they were. Everyone tells you how hard it is to be a parent (I don't know how many times I made comments about how ready I was for Evie to be born, and someone would reply "They're easier inside of you than outside!"), but there's really no way to prepare for it. There was one thing I wish someone would have told me, though: how ridiculously emotional I would get. I mean, I heard about PPD, but I didn't know that you were pretty much going to be crying for no reason for the first few days after delivery.
I know I've already told the birth story, but I'm going to go into a little further detail: because of my high blood pressure, I was at risk for seizures, so I had to be put on this medicine that made me down-right sick. I felt totally awful. Imagine having the flu while giving birth. It was terrible. Then, my oxygen levels were low, so I had to have an oxygen mask during delivery. Then, because of the medicine I was on, my fluids and food were very restricted, so I couldn't eat or drink very much. Toss all this in with a newborn baby that refused to breastfeed or sleep and a room kept warm for the baby's sake but made me soaked with sweat, and I was pretty unstable.
One of the most stressful parts of it all was that Zach's family has a very extended history of SIDS. Zach's brother died, his Dad had a sibling that died, the generation before that had one that died. It's pretty crazy. So we were, of course, VERY scared about it. We were very pressured by family to get Evangeline on a monitor, but the doctor's were 100% against it, so that just made matters worse. The doctors said that heart rate monitors didn't prevent anything and that they often malfunction and will beep even when the baby is fine, which just scares parents for no reason. They also said they would only provide monitors if you had already lost a baby to SIDS (Which was AWFUL to hear). To help ease our minds, however, the doctors said they would run some tests on her. Poor Evangeline went through all sorts of observation and EKG testing to make sure there were no existing conditions to indicate a risk of SIDS. Still, Zach and I were so frustrated that the doctors would not help us with a monitor because it's what we had always planned on doing, and we spent a lot of time curled up in the hospital bed crying together (though Zach will deny that he ever cried). But then the more I thought of it, the more I realized that I couldn't handle the fear of the monitor going off and thinking my daughter was dead. So we decided not to get a monitor, which caused a bit of backlash from our family that pushed so much for it. Obviously, everything worked out okay, and Evangeline is fine, but it was a very stressful time deciding what to do.
I was in the hospital from Tuesday morning at 4:30 am, and I left Friday around 2:00 pm. When I got home, I sat down on the couch, and I thought I'd never get up again. I didn't know how I was going to get anything accomplished. Evie wanted to eat about every 45 minutes, she never slept for more than 45 minutes (even during the night), so how on earth was I supposed to make dinner and do dishes and laundry? Fortunately, I have a very supportive husband, but he was pretty wiped out, too. I had no idea how I was going to survive being a mom. I was getting about three hours of sleep a night, I barely had time to eat, I was still having issues with breastfeeding, and I just cried a lot. Sometimes when I think about having more kids, I stop and think about if I really want to go through all of it again. But then I think about the reward.

And it is sooooo worth it all. Even though it'll be a couple years until the next baby, I'm definitely okay with having another baby in the future. And as I am typing this last sentence, Evangeline just woke up and started crying, so off I go to fulfill my motherly duties!

I'm so amazing!!!

2011-04-17T17:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm not usually one to brag, but I had an awesome shopping trip that I just had to share. As you may or may not know, I am a big user of coupons. Most things I refused to buy if I don't have a coupon for it. Anyway, I went to Target with my mom on Friday. I had a big stack of coupons, but I didn't realize how much money I would save. So, here's a picture of what I got:

Now, how much would you expect to pay for all of that? When my total rang up at over $55, I got a little nervous. I didn't expect it to cost that much, and I was hoping I didn't make a mistake, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw this:

That's right, I got almost $60 worth of products, and it cost me absolutely nothing! This includes 15 pairs of socks for Evangeline, 8 bottles of Fuze, and Zyrtec, to name a few of the more expensive items. Basically, I am proof that clipping coupons is TOTALLY worth your time!

NEXT WEEK: Tips for finding exotic birds in the Penny Saver.

No suffocating yourself!

2011-03-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: This new blog post is up for the sole purpose of showing how cute our daughter is. We know not everyone cares about the cute things our daughter does as much as we do, but for those still interested, you may proceed.

Evangeline is just now learning how to sit. She's getting there, but she's still pretty wobbly...

This next video shows how much she loves spankings!

This last one is a bit older (it was taken back in November - she had MUCH more baby fat back then) but it still cracks us up. You have to have the sound up and listen very closely.

Oh, and for those of you that are wondering where I got the idea for the title of the blog, I just overheard Zach say it to Evie.

NEXT WEEK: Videos that show how cute medical procedures are.

Evie tells it how it is!

2011-01-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

Rather than have to type out everything we've been doing since our last post, we figured we'd let Evangeline tell you all about it...

NEXT WEEK: Why USSR is the new LOL.

I'M BUSY!

2010-09-22T18:06:00.000-07:00

At 4 AM on Tuesday morning I woke up to use the bathroom. While peeing I heard Kelly groan. I asked her if she was okay and she said she had a bad headache that wouldn't go away. Her blood pressure had been high, so the doctor told us to call Labor and Delivery if it was higher than 140/90 and if she had a bad headache that wouldn't go away. So, before calling the doctor we took her blood pressure (which was too high) and called Labor and Delivery. They told us to come in, so I called for a sub at work, packed my bag and we drove to the hospital. After two or three hours sitting in an uncomfortable chair while they monitored Kelly they told us that they would induce her even though Evangeline was not due until September 29.

So, the long inducing process began around 08:30 AM. We were put in a nice delivery room, which resembled a hotel room with a hospital bed in it. The contractions eventually started and Kelly was in quite a bit of pain. She was eventually able to have an epidural, and from there on out it was pretty smooth sailing. Once Kelly was dilated about 3 centimeters they had to give her magnesium to help with her blood pressure. The doctor bluntly told us that it was like flu in a bag. It made Kelly feel tired, feverish, and overall miserable. This had to stay in her system for 24 hours where she could only drink 50 milliliters of water per hour (in case you are not familiar with the metric system, that is about 2 ounces). Once Kelly was at five centimeters the midwife broke her water and within the hour she was fully dilated (Kelly that is, not the midwife). After about 19 hours of labor and 50 minutes of pushing, Evangeline Elise Gibbs was born at 12:33 AM on September 15, 2010. She weighed 7 pounds, 11.6 ounces and was 20.75 inches long. After cleaning Evangeline up, the midwife gave our new daughter to Kelly, where Evie promptly peed on her.

I actually watched Evangeline come out while I helped , I cut the umbilical cord, and even watched a little while they stitched up Kelly. I don't think anyone, including myself, thought I could handle that. It really didn't even phase me. If I say so myself, I'm pretty amazing in the heat of the moment.

We think Evangeline looks like Kelly's baby picture, except she has Meredith's nose, my hair and ears, and the chubbiest cheeks imaginable. Other than being a little jaundice, she is the picture of perfect health. Obviously she spends most of her time sleeping, but when she's awake she likes to look around at the sound of my voice. This only happens when I talk in my normal, lower register, not a higher baby-talk voice. She is constantly making little cooing noises, and squeaky sounds when she is awake.

We named her Evangeline because Kelly wanted a more unique name because she think her name is too common. The female lead star of the television show LOST is named Evangeline Lilly and we really liked the sound of the name. We gave her the middle name of Elise because that was Carly's middle name.

We had to stay in the hospital through Friday so that Kelly's blood pressure could be monitored, so we became quite tired of being in the hospital. When we finally left, it felt like traveling to another planet because we had not been around windows and had not stepped outside for four days.

Overall we are VERY tired. I don't think you can understand how exhausting having a child is until you have one of your own. Evangeline sleeps very well during the day, and eats all night, so we are trying to get her on a schedule. We're also trying to get her to sleep in her crib because currently she will only sleep while laying on our chests.

No kidding, while bathing her the other night she screamed, "I'm busy!" Hence the title of the post.

We're not sure who the father is, but it appears to be a form on Buddhism immaculate conception.

Our Baby Has Horns

2010-06-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

Random Facts

2010-02-10T19:11:00.000-08:00

Did you know. . .

*Kelly has a geographic tongue (look it up and become smarter!)

*Zach has broken at least 24 bones in his lifetime.

*Kelly was offered a $6,000 scholarship to be in a women's choir at a Baptist college in Riverside, CA.

*Zach once went to the bathroom 37 times in one day.

*Kelly enjoys chasing ducks.

*Zach is a two-time winner of the BYU eyebrow raising competition.

*Kelly has central heterochromia (look it up and become even smarter!)

*Zach has listened to his favorite song ("Even Flow" by Pearl Jam) on his iPod 145 times.

*Kelly is insanely afraid of bees. She screams at the mere sight of them.

*Zach played lead guitar for Litost on the Vans Warped Tour in 2006.

*Kelly can burp on command. Real burps. Not fake ones.

*Kelly and Zach are both left-handed.

*Zach was scouted by the New York Mets as a pitcher.

*Kelly's favorite band is Hanson. Yes, that Hanson:

*Zach has moved at least 19 times in his lifetime (He can't remember the actual number anymore).

*Kelly can quote every line from all 13 The Land Before Time movies. Yes, there are 13 of them.

*Zach can write your name in the snow with urine.

*Kelly's favorite food is also Zach's least favorite food. That food is pickles.

*Zach played a double header in baseball everyday of the summer of 1998. This is when he learned how to juggle and gleek.

*Kelly's stomach is louder than a jet engine.

*Kelly and Zach both have monkey toes. They can pick things up with them.

*Kelly has a ticket for going 20 mph below the speed limit. The following day she got a ticket for going 20 mph above the speed limit. Both were by the same cop.

*Zach was born with a one inch tail.

*Kelly is pregnant. The baby is due on September 29.

Lions and Tigers and Exploitation! Oh my!

2009-09-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Yikes! It's been a while! Where to begin...

At the end of June, Zach's parents came in to town. We went to San Francisco and San Jose for a couple of days to check out all the sights. We went to the Wynchester Mystery House, the Exploratorium, and Ghirardelli square. Unfortunately, we just so happened to go the same weekend as the Gay Pride Parade, and we ran into some interesting characters.

After San Francisco, we decided to continue on to Los Angeles and Hollywood to go check out the school Meredith will be going to. While in the area, we got invited to a live taping of a pilot for the Fox network called "So You Think You Wear Pants". It's a competition reality show based on exploiting paraplegics! A panel of judges that includes Taye Diggs, Jimmy from the show Degrassi, and Mary Murphy from So You Think You Can Dance judge contestants. Basically, backstage the contestants are blindfolded and are played loud music on headphones so that they cannot hear or see, and someone either puts pants on them or they don't. They then go out on stage and the judges ask, "So... you think you wear pants?" The contestant must decide then and there whether or not they are wearing pants. If they guess incorrectly, they are elimintated. If they guess correctly, they advance to the next round. They continue on until there is one person left. The winner gets $1,000 and an article in the magazine Paraplegia News. We left amused, but a little disgusted.

NEXT WEEK: The joy of having 700 lawn gnomes staring at you.

"I am a rhinoceros, and my skin is two feet thick"

2009-06-02T16:43:00.000-07:00

We learned the other day that a rhinoceros could potentially live up to 150 years! However, due to their constant head-butting during mating season, they develop severe head trauma, which cuts their lifespan in half. There is actually a documented case of a rhinoceros living 150 years in captivity. They just put pillows on its head. Now we are strong advocates for the group "Pillows For Our Horned Friends". If anyone in the Sacramento area can make it, we're having a group discussion on Tuesday, June 9th at 7:00 pm. Let us know if you can make it. Be sure to bring any pillows you can donate to the cause.

NEXT WEEK: Actual footage of someone licking their elbow.

Oh, the places you'll go!

2009-04-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, Kelly and I went on a vacation. Living in a house with a million people can get a little hectic, and we just wanted to get away for a few days. So we decided that we would go to the magical city of Vallejo.

Day 1

Part of the reason that I got a bachelor's degree in psychology was to overcome my fear of Jelly Beans. I don't know what it is, but the texture just makes my skin crawl. I guess this is because of the time that I fell into a kiddie pool of jelly beans when I was very small. It was one of those contests where people were supposed to guess how many jelly beans were in the pool. I guess I got a little curious and fell in. Anyway, when I was little I would cry out of fear for about a week before Easter just in expectation of the horrors that the Easter Bunny might bring. If Bruce Wayne was afraid of bats, and then became Batman, I guess I would become a giant jelly bean that strikes fear into the hearts of criminals.

I believe in trying to conquer my fears, and I learned in my abnormal psych class that one of the best ways to conquer specific anxiety is through exposure. Exposure is just what it sounds like - you expose yourself to your fear. So what better place to visit on our little trip to Vallejo than the Jelly Belly Factory (although the factory is technically in Fairfield, which is close)?

With a little help from prescription Xanax, I made it to the factory without a melt down. Kelly had to help me a little because my knees started to go weak once I got through the door. Like most fears, it was just the expectation that made it difficult. Once I was there it really wasn't bad. But then . . .

My other big fear is of spiders. No explanation, they just give me a big ol' dose of the heebies, and then follow up quickly with a second dose of the jeebies. Imagine my horror when I saw a spider in the gift shop of the jelly belly factory! It takes a big man to cry - and I am not that man, but I did let out a brief scream. I didn't think I could produce such a high-pitched squeal. I think the dolphins over at Six Flags must have thought that I was trying to communicate with them.

After this little setback, I decided to sample a few jelly beans. I tried cherry, grape, licorice, and then as a joke, I tried grass flavored jelly beans. Who would have thought that a man who was afraid of jelly beans would love grass flavored jelly beans?

Day 2

The second day of our trip we decided to go to Six Flags. Kelly had been there many times in the past, but this was my first time. So, I was surprised to discover that in addition to the rides there are a considerable amount of animal attractions. We were able to see a dolphin show, a whale show (my personal favorite), giraffes, bats, alligators, camels, flamingoes, butterclies, and we were able to actually pet stingrays (their stingers, or whatever they have, had been removed) (this was Kelly's favorite part) (this was my least favorite part - I'm still a little bitter about what they did to Steve Irwin) (this is another excuse to put parenthesis in this sentence).

The rides were great, the animals were great, but the best part was when we got to ride an elephant! It was $150 each, but it was so worth it! For this price we were given an hour long ride through the woods behind the park, and an autograph from Valerie the Elephant. You may be wondering how an elephant can give an autograph, and I'll tell you. It's actually quite simple - the trainer puts a paint brush in the trunk and the elephant will draw on a piece of paper. There are videos on the interwebs of elephants actually painting:
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He7Ge7Sogrk)

After this we had front row seats for the elephant show. This show consisted of the trainer showing off the various talents that Valerie has. She was able to catch a series of bars one at a time while not letting go of the others.

She also was able to sit and lay down on command, and display her amazing sense of balance by standing with all four feet on a tiny platform. The strangest trick of all was how they have house trained the elephants. All the trainer has to do is yell "Poo!" and Valerie would poop on command. This allows them to keep a cleaner park. And let me tell you, you have not seen anything until you have seen an elephant fart.

NEXT WEEK: How we got a ticket for going 60 mph under the speed limit.

Unemployment

2009-03-07T17:17:00.000-08:00

Ways we keep ourselves occupied when unemployed:
-We've started participating in drive-by shootings, but instead of cars, we use bikes, and instead of guns, we use rubberbands.
-Zach sleeps for sixteen hours straight and then stays up for two days to maximize productivity.
-We drove all the way to the Jelly Belly factory only to realize once we got there that Zach had a suppressed fear of jelly beans. He fell into a pool of jelly beans when he was 4 and almost drowned.
-We started doing family history and discovered that between our two family lines, there have been 76 murders committed in the last 200 years.
-We wrote a children's book of cow jokes. Here's an excerpt from the book:

1) What do you call a cow who practices karate?
Answer: Kickmoo!

2) What does a cow say when someone sneezes?
Answer: Bless moooo!

3) What kind of cars do cows drive?
Answer: A Cattle-ac!

4) What is a cow's favorite state?
Answer: Cow-lifornia!

5) What happens when a cow laughs really hard?
Answer: Milk comes out of its nose!

6) What's a cow's favorite place to eat?
Answer: Chick-fil-a!

7) What's a cow's favorite TV show?
Answer: Moo's Clues!

8) What do you call a cow that has run into an electric fence?
Answer: Beef jerky!

9) What happens when a cow gets slaughtered?
Answer: It gets mooo-tilated!

10) What does a cow say?
Answer: MOO!!!

11) What do cows put their drinks on?
Answer: A cow-ster!

12) What's a cow's favorite place to go?
Answer: Orange Cow-nty!

13) What's a cow's favorite movie?
Answer: The Rescuers Down Udder!

14) What happens when a cow breaks the law?
Answer: It gets in-cow-cerated!

15) What happened because the cows mated?
Answer: They got com-mooooo-nicable diseases!

16) What does a cow say when its tired?
Answer: I'm mooped!

17) What did the cow say when it was jumping off the diving board?
Answer: Cowabunga!

18) What's a cow's favorite singer?
Answer: Hannah Mooontanna!

19) What's a cow's favorite dance?
Answer: The moo-carena!

20) How many cows does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: I don't moo!
NEXT WEEK: Fun infection to catch from a cow.

Holy Blasphemy, Batman!

2009-01-16T15:41:00.000-08:00

Whew! Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? Contrary to popular belief, we have NOT died, so whoever keeps spreading that rumor, STOP IT! I mean it! Anyway, here's a little of what we've been up to the past couple of months:

-Zach took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. We're not sure if that's really possible, but it happened. We're gonna go talk to a doctor about it next week.
-Kelly started drinking caffeine and is now up to a five Red Bull per day routine. The other night, she had six, and Zach could hear her heart beating from across the room. If you have any resources for help, let us know.
-We moved from Utah to California. California is a lot like Utah, except for that whole sucking part. While it was a tough move, we're just glad that we're finally far away from Zach's stalker in Provo.
-Kelly has now seen Slumdog Millionaire 11 times.

Speaking of watching movies, Zach and I had a very deep discussion the other night on something we hope happens: movie premieres in heaven. We were talking about how Carly was lucky enough to see Batman Begins, and how we hope she got to see The Dark Knight. Here's how we imagine it:

They roll out a white carpet made of clouds for the special guests, and Heath Ledger was the guest of honor. They screen the movie, but the people in heaven are lucky enough to see the 4 hour and 37 minute uncut version. This way Heath got to see his work of art, and Carly got to see the greatest movie ever made. Also in attendance were Marlon Brando, Christopher Reeve, and Jimmy Stewart. We also like to think that Jesus is a Batman fan. We'll have to ask him if we get there. Hopefully we'll get there.

NEXT WEEK: The majestic grocery store adventure.

The Amazing Kelly Tongue

2008-09-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

Kelly accidentally licked someone. True story.

Have you ever seen the McDonald's commercial with the Indian looking guy that gives off a long list of stuff and then says, "eh?" like a retard? If you haven't, watch more T.V.

We thought it was kind of funny so we started saying, "eh?" after everything we said. Eventually it evolved into sticking your tongue out while you said it.

Anyway, we were at church last Sunday and Kelly was telling me a list of things that I needed to do when we got home. As she was doing this she had her back to me because she was picking up her purse off of the ground. She stood up and turned around to look at me to finish with her tongue sticking out, saying, "eh?". What she didn't realize was that I had walked over to the other side of the chapel to talk to a friend. The person standing right by her? The bishop. He was standing there just to say hi. And yes she totally licked his shoulder.

Surprisingly, the bishop said that this is not the first time it has happened to him.

It was also not Kelly's first time either...

Have you ever seen Asian tourists taking pictures in front of everyday objects as if they were the most amazing thing ever? If you haven't, go to Disneyland.

The first time that Kelly and I went to Disneyland, we wanted to take pictures in front of all of the garbage cans in the park as if we were asian tourists. We decided to mix things up and strike different poses in each picture. In one picture we decided that we should kneel by the garbage can and stick out our tongues at the camera. As we were taking the picture, a small child walked by, apparently not paying attention because he was in awe of seeing the Winnie the Pooh ride. Can you blame him? Once again Kelly was looking in the other direction and turned her head to look at the camera at the last second, right as the child was walking by. Yes, she licked the child's face. The best part was that the kid didn't even stop.

Apparently I lick children too.

NEXT WEEK: Why putting microphones in your bathroom is good ol' fashioned fun.

Taye Diggs: The Musical

2008-08-31T17:33:00.000-07:00

For our anniversary back in July, Kelly and I decided to see WALL-E at the Scera theater in Orem. The movie was good, but the real excitement came when we found out that "Taye Diggs: The Musical" was coming to the theater in August for a brief two-day stint. With this traveling musical, they decided to try a national tour instead of becoming an established Broadway production. This way they could work out all of the kinks and try new things before doing the official Broadway debut in January. Most surprising of all was the well-known cast:

Taye Diggs: Omar Epps

Idina Minzel (his wife and star of "Wicked"): Gabrielle Union

Ashton Kutcher (the villian): Crispin Glover

Jeffries Diggs (His father): Samuel L. Jackson

Marcia Diggs (His mother): Kathy Bates

Written and Choreographed by Tyler Perry

If you do not wish to

know the plot do not read any further! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!..... The show is the story of Diggs' rise to fame after a childhood of being relentlessly teased for his love of pink tennis shoes. After nearly giving up on his dream of musical theater, his father helps him to realize

his potential in singing and acting by helping him to expose his talent to the public. During this time he is in a production of "Rent" and meets Idina Minzel and the two quickly fall in love and are married. However, after reaching a degree of fame, Ashton Kutcher decides to humiliate Diggs on his show Punk'd. Feeling defeated and worthless, he decides that perhaps he should retire and pursue his dream of designing and selling pink tennis shoes. However, with the help of his wife he begins auditioning for

musicals and movies and lands a guest appearance on "America's Next Top Model", followed by a role in "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" and "Malibu's Most Wanted". Kelly's favorite part was the duet of Taye Diggs and Idina Minzel called "Jungle Fever". My favorite part was Ashton Kutcher's song called "I'll Do Anything for Attention". Although the summary may sound ridiculous, the musical was a very heartwarming tale of persistence in your goals. If you ever get a chance to see this, Kelly and I highly recommend it.

NEXT WEEK: How Zach can kill you with his pinky and a slight twitch of his eye.

I'm Sending You Back to the Future!

2008-07-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

So I saw this on Emily's blog, and I thought it was a really good idea, so I figured Zach and I would fill it out, too!

20 years ago:
- I was born.
- Zach turned five. Ironically enough, so did sexy.
- Zach started kindergarten.
- I ate baby food and wore diapers.
- Zach broke his wrist in a fist fight over whether He-Man could take on all the Ninja Turtles and win… you should have seen the other guy.

10 years ago:
- Zach won a spelling bee in Kentucky.
- I stole a Hello Kitty doll from the Hallmark store. I felt bad and took it back once I walked out the door.
- Zach had his first UFO experience.
- I got stitches in my knee while helping Willy the janitor (my only friend) clean the cafeteria floor after everyone had eaten lunch. Someone had left their fork on the ground, and I tripped on a banana peel, and the fork went right into my knee. I couldn’t jump on a trampoline for two whole weeks. However, because I was still willing to help clean the floor after this traumatic incident, I got a free ice cream bar every Friday.

5 years ago:
- Zach was serving his mission in Intercourse, Pennsylvania. (Yes, unfortunately, that is what it’s called.) It was on his mission that he met his first wife. He proposed the day his mission was over. A year from that day, she left him for another woman. We don’t talk about her much.
- I was skipping school to watch Even Stevens on the Disney channel.
- Zach had his second UFO experience.
- I had an unhealthy obsession with Jim Jones.

3 years ago:
- I finally decided between Jim and Zach and started dating the man of my dreams.
- Zach was working at the BYU Creamery on 9th (before he started hating it).
- I set the record at the Creamery for most ice cream scoops made in a day for a grand total of 1,234. As a reward, they gave me a coupon for a free ice cream cone every Friday.
- Zach was hanging a clock above the toilet and the porcelain was wet and he slipped and fell and when he came to, he had a vision, a picture in his head, of an invention called The Flux Capacitor.

So far this year:
- We celebrated our one year anniversary.
- Zach has had seven cold sores.
- I started my life of crime by stealing deodorant from hotels and selling them to Wal-Mart.
- Zach took a sociology class from Frank Abagnale, Jr.
- We took a magic class.
-Zach found out that he was circumcised.

Yesterday:
- Zach stopped taking his allergy medications and learned to whistle through his nose.
- I ate two hot dogs, three bags of chips, some pretzels, and two root beer floats for lunch, and still didn’t go over my calorie intake for the day.

Today:
- We wrote a blog.

Tomorrow:
- We will go see The Dark Knight for the seventh time.
- Zach will probably get another cold sore.
- I will buy a lottery ticket and demand a refund when I don’t win.

In the next year:
- Zach will discover a new skill as a bartender.
- I will learn to read backwards.
- And with any luck I'll get a pair of new brown high heels

NEXT WEEK: Zach gets in trouble with Mr. Belding until Screech comes along, and hilarity ensues.

Giant Mosquitos

2008-07-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

My parents and sister came to town from Houston last week to visit Kelly and me. After realizing that outside of visiting temples (which we did), there is nothing to do in Utah, we decided to travel to Yellowstone National Park for the weekend to see some animals and geysers.

We visited Old Faithful three separate times, saw thirty six bears, a whale, and a dragon's cave. Believe it or not, a baby beluga whale was discovered in Lake Yellowstone last week! We were fortunate enough to spot it before the rangers took it back to its natural habitat in the Pacific Ocean. They suspect that it was either ecoterrorism or a very complex senior prank by a local Idaho school. However, so far there are no suspects. As for the dragon's cave, there is a geyser inside of a cave that sends up massive amounts of steam that make it appear as though a dragon is hiding inside and breathing smoke. I suspect ecoterrorism.

On our last night we decided to make our second trip to the Old Faithful Lodge to see the sites. Although it was around 2:30 in the morning you could still slightly make out the geyser with the help of the moonlight. We learned two things that night: To always make sure that everyone gets back in the car no matter how tired you are, and that Kelly is extremely allergic to mosquitos. After arriving back at our cabin/hotel around 4:00 in the morning we discovered that Kelly was not with us. None of us had cell phone signals, so we drove back to the lodge where we last saw Kelly. It didn't take us long to find her, and she had not even noticed that we left. She was so distracted by the steam coming from Old Faithful that she had spent the last hour and a half talking to an Asian tourist who took pictures every thirty seconds, mistakenly thinking that it was me.

The next day Kelly got in the shower and discovered the horror the local giant mosquitos had unleashed upon her body. We spent the afternoon counting the bites only to reach a grand total of 267 bites. It suddenly made sense as to why she dreamed about Poison Ivy from the Batman comics.

Next week; How many licks does it REALLY take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

Here Comes Halloween, Here Comes Halloween...

2008-06-15T19:14:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, June 12, Zach and I decided to celebrate Halloween. We know it’s a little early, but we found some great costumes and just couldn’t wait! Zach is obsessed with Batman, so he decided to dress up as a clown. He didn’t really look like The Joker, but it’s okay. We decided we’d just call him “The Jokey”. As for me, I dressed up as a Lego Man because all female costumes require one to be a prostitute (if you Google the words “girl costume”, you’ll see what I mean).
After we got dressed up, we went Trick-or-Treating around the neighborhood. Some people laughed; other people just gave us weird looks and slammed the door in our faces. We didn‘t really get any candy, but that’s not what we Trick-or-Treat for. It’s all about the exercise! The most friendly people were a Hispanic family who only spoke Spanish. Their little girl didn’t seem to like our costumes very much, but they thought it was hilarious. They even sent us a picture!
All in all, we ended up with a package of Ramen, a piece of gum, some soup, and a tube of Neosporin. For our next fake Halloween, Zach plans to dress up as Surgical Glove Face, while I plan to be angry.

NEXT WEEK: Why nachos and cotton don’t go together.

Something Wicked this Way Comes...

2008-06-04T21:46:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome! We are new to this internet blogging experience. It seemed that everyone else in the family had their own page, so we hopped on the bandwagon. So, without further ado; we present you with our first blog!
This summer we have decided to learn something new as a couple. After much discussion we decided to do the dumbest thing we could find, so we enrolled in a magic class held in a local pie shop not too far from our apartment. Keep in mind, this is not simply sleight of hand card tricks, but all out levitation and vanishing acts. Although the class was listed as at an “expert level” we decided to dive right in and see if we could handle the big leagues. Surprisingly levitation is simple. The most difficult part is the extreme concentration that is required (and of course, not floating away!). On the other hand, disappearing acts are something else entirely.
People in our group are not allowed to share names. It has something to do with the magician’s code and secrecy. So to avoid confusion each member of the group has a “stage name”. Kelly picked out “Captain Flapjack”, and I decided upon “Huey Lewis”. Despite their tight regulations we met an interesting character named “Lucifer the Magnificent” and her boyfriend “Stay Puft”. She really isn’t that magnificent or anything resembling Lucifer, but “Stay Puft” looks remarkably like the Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. He even came to the meetings in his incognito Stay Puft costume. I wouldn’t say that we are friends with them, but we talked to them more than anyone else in the group. Apparently they are also students at BYU. “Lucifer the Magnificent” is an Exercise Science major and “Stay Puft” is studying to become a seminary teacher. After a few light conversations with them, we discovered that they are among the dorks that dress up in medieval costumes and go to the park and fight with wooden swords, otherwise known as the BYU Quill and Scroll Club. After discovering who our company was, we have not been to a class since.
Despite not completing the course we have learned a few interesting tricks and a few great pie recipes!
So we were in the market for a new learning experience as a couple…

NEXT WEEK….Zach and Kelly’s adventures in learning Portuguese through the popular program “Rosetta Stone”.